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CancerLynx - we prowl the net
October 29, 2001

>Waiting ... Cancer Test Results
Linda Cordisco, Linda Ryan, Paula Pollock

- the night before the bone scan
- dreading the drive to the hospital
- wondering why i convinced my oncologist that scans every 6 mos. were what i wanted
- thinking that she was right
- that i should wait until i had symptoms and then do the tests
- wanting to know, but not really
- life seemed so much easier during the chemo days
- i felt sick, i knew i had cancer
- the tricks the body plays on us
- feeling so much better
- NED they call it no evidence of disease
- asymptomatic
- wanted to scream in the night
- wanting a shoulder to cry on
- wanting a hug that says, it will be alright
- several glasses of wine to make the night go easier
- i think the numbness is helping
- the night before.

- the day of getting the test results
- dreading the drive to the hospital
- anticipating the drive to the hospital
- wondering why I need to know
- knowing that I have to know
- scaring myself with strange fleeting new symptoms
- probing myself with my inner eye
- finding new pains
- briefly feeling positive that nothing new will be found
- struggling to keep that oh so fragile feeling
- losing it
- needing that hug more than ever
- anticipating, fearing
- gathering my strength to hear the news

- getting the bone scan results
- another new spot
- where there was pain
- much pain
- asking for another test
- detail xray this time
- good news
- it's a broken rib
- celebrate ... it's just a broken rib
- call / email everyone ... it's just a broken rib
- even in the misery of all these tests there are golden moments when despair turns to joy!

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